Hello everyone from under the stairs! Aunt and Uncle threw me under here again. Gosh, life is so hard.
That fat fuck Dudley stole all my food! I wish something good or at least interesting would happen to me.
OMG I'm a WIZARD! And my parents are DEAD WIZARDS! Off to magic boarding school. PEACE BITCHES!
OMG Hogwarts OMG I have two friends OMG magic OMG the Slytherins are Nazis OMG there is an EVIL WIZARD out to get me.
Snape a douche! Dumbledore a wise man (but maybe gay?). Voldemort tried to kill me! Flying broomstick! Battle over magic crack-rock!
OMG the year's over. Time goes fast when you're having fun. Goes slow if you have to read seven books with lots of adverbs.
Back to school! Should be a great year! I hope nothing crazy happens like last time.
No! Voledemort is trying to wreck my shit up AGAIN!! I am TIRED of these MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING CASTLE!
Back to school AGAIN! This year definitely better! A dude who tried to kill me turned out OK. Sometimes misunderstandings happen. LOL.
Oh man, big tournament at my school this year!! PSYCHED! I hope nobody dies this year, and every year as if by clockwork.
Competing in a tournament. Also: is it just me, or should they really have a tougher vetting process for Dark Arts teachers?
OMFG VOLDEMORT AGAIN. Don't worry, I have the hang of this by now. Plus there's a secret society out to protect me. Give up already LV.
I AM UNDERGOING A LOT OF ANGST RIGHT NOW. And this Asian girl is giving me a major hard-on. Blue balls suck. No magic potion for it either.
Don't believe anyone who says Voldemort isn't back AGAIN. I KNOW WHAT I SAW!
Big brawl at Ministry of Magic! Sirius is dead. Super-pissed. I just used the torture spell, didn't I? I'm going to Azkaban now, aren't I?
Back to school again! Boy, everything better go well this year or I'm going to eat a wand.
Hey! My friend's sister is totally hot for me. Feels a bit dirty, but yeah baby, you like my scar, don't you? Wanna see my wand?
SNAPE KILLED DUMBLEDORE WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF? THIS IS LIKE THE BIGGEST CLIFFHANGER EVER!!!
Sometimes this guy, Tom, keeps showing up. I don't want him around but I don't have the heart to tell him, because he killed my parents.
NM last tweet. Killed him. Something about a prophecy. Who cares? Last seven years have felt like same one, over and over.